Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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