..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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