he puts the penis in happiness.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
