Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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