Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize