i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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