Slut skills are useful in every country.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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