I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
