I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
