Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
