I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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