he wants to bone in the snuggie
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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