Umm I'm too high to move.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
