So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need a shit load of segways right now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
