He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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