Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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