I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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