her vagine was all disorganized.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
