WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
