The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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