next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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