There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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