One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
