I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cannot find my penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
