Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
