Pants 0. Shit 1.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
