i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
