Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
