We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
