are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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