the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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