I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
