Porn is love you can see.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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