Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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