It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
