Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
