So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
