i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just had sex bonerless
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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