I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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