the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i think im in europe. pls send help
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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