i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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