he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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