What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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