Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
