What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
