I think I won the penis lottery.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
