i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
