Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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