Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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