Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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