The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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