not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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