hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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