I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.