i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet