nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
