You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me