I wish I could punch you in the face.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
