Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
