You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
These tits shall not be calmed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
