Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
