I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
