you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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