I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
