New invention idea: vibrating tampons
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
