oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
