I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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