Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
