What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
