I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
