the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
