There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
